Tuesday, April 6, 2010

tHE riPe YoUNg AgE

I will be turning 33 this year. Supposedly falling within range of the prime years of my life, whatever that means. And in 3 short years, at 36, I will be disqualified from attending the World Youth Day. As I prepare to go back to school, I have been reflecting a lot about me and my life so far.

At 33 I have never bungee jumped. Never cheated in my exams. Never travelled to Europe. And the only time I tried scuba diving, I was so seasick it was all I could do to not puke into the water. But there are many things that I have done too. Like travelling in the US for 2 months. Like working and getting my own paychecks. Like not working and enjoying the dividends from my previous paychecks. Like trying to climb a mountain, albeit unsuccessfully.

There are people who draw up life-lists, bucket-lists, of things they want to do or achieve before they die. I have a friend who does that, systematically setting up goals and resolutions, and systematically following through on them. I lack that kind of discipline and mental fortitude. But I think the real problem is, I don’t really know what I want.

Or perhaps, it is not so much me not knowing what I want, but more that what I want keeps changing. Because my dreams and desires evolve through time, a natural consequence of my different life situations. When I was young I wanted to grow up. When I was in school I wanted to be a ballerina. When I went to university I wanted to be a writer. When I started earning I was greedy for more money. When I got too tired I decided to stop working. When being stuck in the rut proved no fun, I now want to study to be a speech therapist.

I will be turning 33 this year. I will be returning to a full-time student status in June. I may not have a life-list. I may not be able to define what I want clearly or articulately. But I have promised my self, to give nothing less than 200% of myself in whatever I’m doing.

And I am going to kick some ass along the way!

1 comment:

bakchew said...

you go girl!!! grrrrrrr***

look forward to seeing you in the States! :D