Monday, July 1, 2013


We talked about becoming derailed today.  About derailment as a temporary diversion.  About derailment as fertile ground for gaining new learning, new experiences.  About derailment as a means to an end.  Except in my world of black and white, moving forward and becoming derailed are mutually exclusive.

Once upon a time, I believed in utopia.  I believed in a perfect world inhabited by perfect beings achieving perfect things.  Except in my world of darkness and light, reality is often far removed from perfection.

I had many dreams growing up.  Fanciful ones like winning the Nobel Prize or becoming a farmer’s wife.  Realistic ones like going to college, earning my own keep, getting married.  I invested myself into every dream I could hope to achieve, found myself beaten down and derailed at many points.  As if for every step I take to move forward, I am forced to take two steps back.

“It’s just life”, I console myself.