Thursday, December 31, 2009


Apparently, the moon tonight is a rare sight that occurs only once in 19 years. It’s hard to imagine but I’ll be in my 50s the next time it happens. I started losing count of how old I am after I turned 21. I ran out of fingers and toes.

Contemplating my mortality on the first day of a new year feels a little masochistic. But I always like to keep my expectations at the low, reachable, believable level. It’s healthier to live in easy contentment than to live to be a hundred.

Happy New Year!

Thursday, December 24, 2009


I used to look forward to Christmas with eager anticipation. There was the buying of new clothes and dressing up. And going to midnight mass. And meeting up with friends. And exchanging presents.

I feel a bit ambivalent about Christmas now. Maybe it’s because I have grown up. The story of Santa Claus no longer captures my attention. We have so much that giving and receiving gifts seem almost futile.

Nostalgia. Gives me goose-bumps.

Monday, December 21, 2009

MoVinG oN

As the time draws near to when we have to say goodbye, a sense of disquiet fills me. I’ve dreamt for a long time about going away. Yet a part of me hopes to be able to linger for a little while more.

The last time I stayed away from home was when I was studying in New Zealand. That was more than 10 years ago. Soon, I will be wandering off again. To a different place.

It’s going to be a new start. Not a complete negation of the last nine years of my life, but something approaching that. I have been waiting at the crossroads for too long, only to realise no one's going to pick me up. So I took a left turn.

He told me, “Don’t look back.”

Thursday, December 17, 2009


It has been a week of the great outdoors and family time. The mountain vista commanded our attention and awe. The rainforest made itself seen and heard and felt. The sea drew us with its mesmerizing waves. We laughed so much our sides were splitting and our eyes tearing.

I have not enjoyed myself so much and with abandon in a long time.

Sunday, December 13, 2009


I’ve been away in the mountains and rainforests and seas.

It feels really good to be back in nature’s embrace.

Tuesday, December 8, 2009


Pretty people get away with so much more.

Sunday, December 6, 2009

Saturday, December 5, 2009

a SmiLe

I thought I saw a familiar face among the crowd today. For a very brief moment, our glances met. While I was debating whether to smile, I am sure our brains started working furiously, to recall if our paths have once crossed.

I remember her. We met under the strangest of circumstances. I was incapacitated and incarcerated, having fought with and being defeated by Mr. D. She tended to my wounds, coming by each day, to ask me how I am.

I don’t know if she remembers me. But I smile anyway.

She smiled back.

Thursday, December 3, 2009


It takes a long time to build up trust.

It takes just a moment to break that trust.

Tuesday, December 1, 2009


I must have been 18 when I received my first set of house-keys. Interestingly, that was also my first time living away from home. I had just arrived in New Zealand to start my university studies, and was staying in a rented room. It was exciting to have keys that I could call my own.

That first set of house-keys was significant in many ways. It meant I had grown up. It represented freedom. It proved I could be trusted to take care of myself. To hear and feel the jingling of the keys in my pockets made me smile.

I know I have come home.