A lot of the mourning happens in the midnight hour. When the light of day fades, the pain becomes more acute. Without the distraction of living, death comes into stark focus.
Elisabeth Kubler-Ross said that there are five stages to the grieving process: Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression, Acceptance. She forgot to add Guilt. She forgot that we will always ask ourselves whether we could have done more or better. She forgot that survivor’s guilt underscores any of our efforts to come to terms with a death so close to our hearts.
My memories betray me. I remember the many holidays we took together. I remember meeting up to study for our exam. I remember the hours and days we spent talking. I remember our shopping trips. I remember we both wanted to go to the US to further our studies. I remember our pact to grow old together.
I know I must move on with my life. You would want me to do that.