cOFfeE & RaiN

It rained overnight, bringing some respite to the warm weather. I like listening to the raindrops hitting the ground. In the cold still air, the echoes sound crisp and clear. Like the world feels new and fresh after a wash.

I had too much coffee last night, the caffeine still buzzing in my ears now. Was with a group of good friends from high school, and I always enjoy our company together. And remain humbled by our friendship that has lasted close to two decades.

Coffee and rain, my tastes have changed.

Drip-drop. Drip-drop. Drip-drop.
.

hOLidAy

I am flying off to the US next week, and the excitement that has been building up over the last few weeks is strangely muted. I can’t wait for the day to come actually, just so I can start doing something instead of sitting here in front of my laptop reading abstract guidebooks and planning. Just like how too many cooks can spoil the soup, too much research can spoil the holiday.

Whereas I think it is about keeping an open mind. To explore and experience all that is new and different. Instead of sticking with the tried and tested.

Don’t lose touch!
.

LovE

"Let us hope that we are all preceded in this world by a love story."

(Don Snyder)
.

SunSEt

From my new phone. One of my favourite moments of the day.

.

gO

"You have brains in your head.
You have feet in your shoes.
You can steer yourself in any direction you choose.
You're on your own.
And you know what you know.
You are the guy who'll decide where to go."

(Dr. Seuss)
.

StuDYiNg

“Only pigs sweat. Humans perspire,” my teacher said. That was many years ago, in an English class. She was exasperated with us for using “sweating” indiscriminately between humans and pigs, no doubt. Funny the things our teachers teach us. Funnier the things we remember.

I’ve been looking at going to graduate school next year, so my mind has been on double-time researching schools, and places to visit in the US. Happily though, some of them coincide. Now I’m torn between whether to set up a meeting with the faculty, or content myself with the massive amount of information I can get online.

Will my mind still be able to stand up to intellectual rigour after a 10-year hiatus?

Hrmmm...
.

dEfinITioN

Empathy: Going “Ouch!” when the person on TV is hurt.
.

aCcePT loVe

They tell me, that with acceptance comes freedom. But I’m not so sure. Sometimes the acceptance is coerced. Because we do not have a choice.

They also tell me, that with acceptance comes love. But I’m not so sure. Acceptance does not necessarily mean I agree with what has been. It could merely mean I don’t have the strength to fight against it anymore.

To the extent that we love, so do we accept the love we think we deserve.
.

It's RaiNIng

The way I think about the world around me shapes my reality. And yet reality is also what informs the way I think about the world around me. The question, though, is what is reality? However much I want to believe in an objective reality, I very much doubt that it exists. Reality is always perceived by a point of view, always subjective. That is not to say that we do not participate in one another’s reality. I like to think of the world as a Venn diagram with the many circles intersecting – shared truths about the world around us.

Rainy days give me goosebumps and strange ideas.
.

oBSeSseD

I have been obsessing over something for a long time. But even though I know it is unhealthy for me, I still do it. I still continue to obsess over it, until it consumes my thoughts day and night. Like a bad habit. It’s easy to fall into a familiar pattern of thinking and behaving.

Unfortunately, this obsession is a little secret of mine. So I am unable to share it with anyone else. So it continues to weigh me down. So it continues to haunt me. And in all of this, I am alone. Which isn’t as scary as the obsession itself.

Be careful what you wish for.
.

Jog

I did a 30-minute jog last night. It has been a long time since jogging felt so rhythmic. For a while, I reached that stage where I felt as if I could run forever. That sense of flight and freedom is indescribable.

I did a 30-minute jog this morning. It felt clumsy, like my legs were out of sync with each other. While I was struggling for my next breath, I was fighting the urge to stop running. That left me in a state of discomfiture.

I need to lose weight!
.

RoGEr

My biggest quandary these days has been whether to bring Roger ThinkPad along with me on my upcoming US trip. On the one hand, I am very dependent on him for all my usual daily routines like surfing the internet and writing. On the other hand, I worry about having to worry about his safety when I’m out exploring. It’s been a bit of a headache for me, thinking about this.

So I bought this snazzy new phone couple months back, boasting of Wi-Fi capabilities. I’ve been playing with it and although Wi-Fi works well and fine, it is a bit difficult to surf the internet using such a small interface. Neither does it have some form of OS where I can save my writings (to begin with, there’s no way to write notes unless I use the “save message” function in my message draft box.)

To bring or not to bring? What do you think?
.

PapER cRAneS

I want to write about my friend again today. I had a dream about her. It’s one of those feel-good dreams. Where you don’t want to wake up. And even if you do, you wake with a smile. And wish the dream would come true. Sometimes you wish you can pick someone up from your dreams and hug them. This is one of those dreams.

I like my friend because she makes me feel comfortable. Comfortable enough to share some of my deepest secrets (not all, because I think we all have dark secrets that only we know, and we keep). Comfortable enough to cry in front of her and not feel weird the next time I see her. I feel safe with her.

I used to make her a paper crane every time I visited. It made her happy. She’ll keep them carefully, in a little bag. And she said that some day we’ll sit down and count them together.

Until one day, it all stopped.
.