so cOMe

He will come.  Sooner rather than later.

And this time.  When he comes.

I will embrace him with open arms.

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a LoNE

Some people become better people through trials and tribulations.  Some people become lesser people through pain and suffering.  Some people exhibit a strength of character that is awesome to witness and heartrending to watch.  Sometimes their single-minded determination to fight (or die trying) moves me; yet most times their unwillingness to give up (and never say die) scares me.

It scares me because once the veil has been lifted, the clarity is blinding.  It scares me how small one can become, how crippled one can be.

It reminds me how the self is a lone.

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fOR m & D

"What cannot be said, will get wept."

(Sappho)
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sTreNgTH

"If you're strong enough to take that blade and draw it across your skin.

If you're strong enough to take those pills and swallow them when no one's home.

If you're strong enough to tie that rope and hang it from the ceiling fan.

If you're strong enough to jump off that bridge, my friend.

You are strong enough, to live."

(Iain S. Thomas)
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diSpeNSabLe

My director likes to tell everyone in the lab to write “how-to” guides.  His concern is that if anyone was to get hit by a car, someone else can easily step in, take over, and maintain continuity of the research projects.  While somewhat macabre, I see his point.

Thing is, no one is truly indispensable.  Anyone could get hit by a car any time and the world would continue to go on.  We may think we are, or someone close to us is, indispensable.  But that is because our minds are incapable of conceptualizing a time and space without us, without that significant other.  Yet when we die, life goes on for everyone else.  Time goes on.  Work goes on.  Perhaps with some adjustments, minor or otherwise, that accounts for the fact of your absence.  As things fall apart, so things go on.

My heart aches for the camel who broke his back on the last straw.

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fRieNd!

I have missed you.  So much.  So very much.  I think of you often.  And wonder what you are doing.  How you are doing.

There is so much of you I remember.  So much of us.  Memories.  They are not kind.  Yet I hold on to them.  So desperately.  So frantically.  Because you held me up.  Because you held me together.  Because you kept me safe.

Friend, I miss you so much it hurts.

.

iT

came back.

Not with a whimper but with a bang.
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gO ELeGantLy

"It is tasteless to prolong life artificially.  I have done my share, it is time to go.  I will do it elegantly."

(Albert Einstein)
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fOLLoW

the moment of bliss...

From whence to where I do not know.

Except that words are easier said than actions done.
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rOugHnESs

has taken on whole new layers of meanings.
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juSt

breathe...

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fLoODgatEs

I've been feeling a bit pensive.  Not always a good sign.  Don't get me wrong, I love my random moments of excruciating insight.  But they tend to leave me a little winded, like someone punched me in the stomach, hard.  And I am left with these nuggets of raw emotions – too precious to hold in my hands, too painful to share with someone else.

Too hard to keep the floodgates of memories from opening.

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hOLiDaYs

Holidays... can be strangely disquieting times.
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