hOMe

Today, as I was stepping out of the shower, a vaguely familiar feeling hit me. I had experienced something similar many years ago, in a hotel room, also while I was stepping out of the shower. It was very momentary, flitting. I believe it is the feeling of being homesick.

Now, I rarely get homesick. I have been away from home often and long enough to develop a kind of callousness towards my physical location. Yet there is something about bathrooms that trigger a rather soulful mood in me. Not that there is anything exceptional about my bathroom at home. It is fitted with the usual toilet paraphernalia, and old enough that there isn’t a separate shower area. So it always takes me by surprise, to realize that the bathroom represents what I miss about home.

The bathroom is my safe haven. I have spilled secrets and tears in the bathroom. I have had brilliant flashes of ideas while in the bathroom. I have sung my heart out in the bathroom. The bathroom is my hiding place.

Enter at your own risk.
.

PaiN

Pain (any pain - emotional, physical, mental) has a message. The information it has about our life can be remarkably specific, but it usually falls into one of two categories: "We would be more alive if we did more of this," and, "Life would be more lovely if we did less of that." Once we get the pain's message, and follow its advice, the pain goes away.

(Peter McWilliams)
.

i THougHt I kNeW

What had always made math and science a little intimidating to me is that you either get it right, or you don’t. I remember feeling disadvantaged in math and science exams, because the answers are so clear-cut there is no way I can argue for my case, if any. 4 x 8 is always 32. Limewater always turns chalky when you introduce carbon dioxide to it. If you release a block of a certain weight down a plane of a certain incline, it will travel at a certain speed and come to rest at a certain distance. It was this certainty that defined math and science.

At least, that was how my world held up, until I learnt that nothing is certain in medical science. That many language disorders have no known cause. That etiology not specified is the norm and not the exception. That there isn’t always agreement on a cure. That there are as many treatment options as there are clinicians. That there is a lot more grey than there is black or white.

I am beginning to realize that perhaps growing older and wiser is not about knowing more or having more answers. Perhaps growing older and wiser is about not knowing, about having more questions than you have answers for.

I don’t know, do you?
.